Hilde's Decision
by jinakel wohess
Summary: Hilde and Duo fight over Duo's friendship with Heero. How will Duo choose between his fiance and his best friend. Warning: major Duo/Hilde angst - sweet sorrow.


This is yet another oneshot/backstory to "Jinx."  It comes after "Betrayal," chronologically speaking.  Can also stand alone or compliment the rest of the story arc.  

**DISCLAIMER – I do not own Gundam Wing.**

**Backstory - Hilde's Decision**

"Dammit, Duo, I've had enough of this," Hilde's voice thundered through the small house that she and Duo shared with Heero.  "I've had fucking enough of this."  She turned away from her fiancé, opting to look out the window into the junkyard than see his face.

"Hilde," Duo tried in his most soothing voice.  "Please, you don't understand…"

"Oh, I understand, _Duo_.  I understand that your friend means more to you than I do.  I understand that you'll bend over backwards to please Heero Yuy and you won't do a damn thing to try to make me feel the least bit loved."  Her anger subsided as tears began rolling down her beautiful cheeks. 

It made Duo feel like more of an ass than he already did.  "Hilde, I…"

"He even sleeps in our room, for God sakes," Hilde screamed.  "How can I be with my future husband when his best friend is asleep on our floor!?"  She spun back around, giving Duo the most accusing of looks.

Duo reached a hand out timidly.  "Hilde, you know that I want to be with you.  But Heero needs help sometimes.  I can't deny him the support he needs."

"And what about the support I need?"

"Hilde, I do love you.  And I'm sorry that we lost the baby, but…"

"We?  We didn't do anything, Duo.  I lost the baby.  I chose to."

"You chose to?"  Duo's voice wasn't so soothing anymore.

Hilde instantly regretted letting this slip.  Heero had told her that Duo would be pissed if she had an abortion.  But Heero had been the one to walk with her to the hospital.  He paid for her operation, and he rented the cab that drove her home.  If Heero really cared about Duo's feelings, she lied to herself, he wouldn't have been so supportive of her decision.

"You chose to?" Duo repeated, the anger now truly evident in his voice and the way his clenched hands shook at his sides.

"Yes, Duo," Hilde admitted.  "I had an abortion.  Heero helped."  Tears began to fall from Duo's eyes.  "I didn't want our child growing up in a household where he'd be second to Heero."

"What do you mean second to Heero?"  Duo choked on his sobs as he tried to speak.

"I mean that Heero is the most important person in your life Duo.  You feel like you have to take care of him constantly.  That leaves little room for me, and certainly no room for a baby."  Hilde had practiced this speech many times.  And many times she'd been too chicken to say it, until now.  Her tears were dry and she felt a strange calm as she finally told Duo of the thing that hurt her most.  "You care too much about Heero to ever care enough about me."

She turned away from him again, thrusting her hands into the sink full of soapy water.  Washing dishes seemed like a good way to work off some frustration, she thought.

Hilde barely heard the door close as Duo left the house and walked out into the junkyard.

Duo squinted in the sudden light.  On L4, it was always very bright and very hot.  Already, he felt his tears evaporate from his cheeks and little drops of sweat soak his collar.  Mindlessly, Duo began sorting through his latest collection, separating useable from unusable junk.  

Hilde had gotten rid of the baby.  His baby.  Tears began to fall anew.  From the moment she'd told him that she was a pregnant, Duo was looking forward to meeting the little person that he helped create.  

And now Hilde had destroyed that little person.  With Heero's help.  But he couldn't blame either of them.  Of course, he could try.  Hilde only did it to get even with him for not paying any attention to her.  She only did it to make him feel sorry for not showing her all the love he felt inside for her.  And she took away the one thing he was looking forward to more than becoming her husband – becoming a father.  

Heero should have known that Duo would be against the operation.  In fact, he was more than positive that Heero would know.  But the quiet guy wouldn't have objected if Hilde asked for his support.  Heero was a firm believer in making your own decisions.  And Heero wasn't the type of person to try to make Hilde's decisions for her.

Duo unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it to a cleaner area on the grease-stained ground.  It was hot on L4.  The times when he joined Heero in working the junk, neither one of them could keep a shirt on for long.  It was a desert outside.

Hilde watched from the kitchen sink as she furiously scrubbed the dishes.  She knew she shouldn't have had the abortion.  She knew she most likely did it out of spite for Duo rather than any real good reason.  And she knew that Duo was hurting more than he ever had over the loss of the baby.  But it couldn't be helped now.  If only Heero weren't a part of their lives, things would be completely different.

On cue, Heero appeared in the view of the window.  He was carrying a large box on one shoulder, a shipment that Duo had sent him out to retrieve earlier that day.  Hilde could tell by the look on Heero's face that he was surprised to see Duo outside.  

Since the beginning of the business, Duo was the brain and Heero was the brawn.  It was obvious in the way the two boys looked.  After the last year or two of Duo working as manager, making deals and finagling for supplies, and Heero working in the yard, the once similarly sized boys were now very different.  Duo was still lean and extremely muscular for his size, but a little soft from the indoor qualities of his position in the business partnership.  Heero, on the other hand, worked outside all day lifting and moving junk.  He was taller than Duo and passed Duo in the size and weight category a long time ago.  Heero's muscles were rock-hard and well defined, proving that he now led a life of physical labor.

But physical labor or no, Heero still moved with stealth and surprising agility.  It must be a product from his intense training.  She remembered the first time she laid eyes on Heero Yuy.  The coldness emanating from his body language and eyes was enough to send anyone screaming in the opposite direction.  After living with her and Duo, though, Heero began to change.

She could tell from the first moment she arrived on L4, after Duo's pleading call for them to move the business here rather than L2, that Heero wanted as little responsibility as possible.  And they were both glad to grant his wishes, becoming accustomed to his quiet turmoil personality and other traits that made him Heero Yuy.  

No matter how she cared for her fiancé's friend, she just couldn't accept their strange relationship.  She'd heard of old friends, not wanting the other one to get married and move away.  But this was ridiculous.  Heero made a habit of sleeping on the floor of their bedroom.  In the middle of the night sometimes, she'd notice the door open and see his sturdy form drag a pillow and a blanket into their room.  And for some strange reason, Duo never objected to Heero.  Hilde brought it up a few times, asking Duo to speak with him, but Duo refused.  He kept saying something about Heero needed to keep from being alone sometimes, and Duo had promised him long ago to always offer support whenever Heero needed it.

Hilde was sure it had something to do with what happened after Heero was released from the hospital.  He still had on the ID bracelet from the Winner Memorial Hospital when they picked her up from the spaceport, and two large bandages over each wrist.  Hilde was not a dumb girl.  She figured right away that Heero had tried to kill himself.  She even tried to bring it up with Duo on several occasions, but Duo refused to speak of it.  And so she gave up trying to find out what had happened.  Not understanding why Heero was in such a delicate condition made it impossible for her to empathize with him to the extent Duo did. 

And that lack of empathy caused all the problems in her and Duo's relationship.  

Watching Heero help Duo unload the fresh supplies, Hilde seethed inside.  Duo was talking to Heero, most likely telling him everything that they'd been fighting about.  Duo would talk to Heero about anything, but he kept secrets from her.

Maybe Heero should be the one to marry Duo, she thought with disdain.  

"Do you want to talk about it?" was all Heero said when he arrived carrying the box of supplies that Duo had sent him for earlier that afternoon.  He set the box down on the ground next to Duo and handed him the itemized list.  

Duo looked over the list for a while.  "There isn't much to talk about.  Hilde is fed up."

"With me."  It wasn't a question.

"Yes, with you.  I try to explain things for her, but she just doesn't understand sometimes."

Heero thought for a moment.  "She doesn't understand because she doesn't know the whole truth.  Why don't you ever tell her about Relena?  It would make things easier for you."

"But not for you."  Duo looked up at his friend.  "Look, Heero, I promised you a long time ago never to tell anyone of what happened.  Quatre's made the same promise.  Not even Relena knows that you tried to commit suicide.  I'll be damned if I'm the first one to break the promise."

"But Hilde may leave you."

Duo swallowed hard.  "I know.  I don't want her to go, Heero.  But I can't betray my friend, either.  I'm torn."

They worked side-by-side in silence for a while.  Duo mentally checking off the items on the list as Heero pulled them out of the box and set them aside.

"You should tell her," Heero interrupted their work.

"I refuse."

"Then you'll lose her."

Duo closed his eyes shut, holding back the old tears that threatened to fall again.  "I've already lost something more close to me than I ever knew possible.  And she did it just to hurt me.  We're fighting dirty now, Heero.  There's too much pain to ever just forgive and forget."

Heero moved closer, putting a dirty sweaty arm around his business partner and dearest friend.  "I feel responsible, I took her to the hospital and paid…"

"I don't blame you.  I don't even blame her.  I…I…just blame myself.  I do a bad job of taking care of her.  And now I've driven her away."

Absentmindedly, Duo reached down and took a hold of Heero's arm that wasn't around his shoulder.  He picked the hand up and brought it close to his face, not caring that his tears fell on Heero's hand and forearm.  Duo ran his fingers across the crosshatched scars on Heero's wrist.  

Hilde watched as Heero put an arm around Duo's shoulders, comforting him in a way that she never could.  She watched as their brotherhood grew stronger in this moment of confession.  She grew envious as Duo picked up Heero's hand, touching the scars that had caused them all their problems.  

The plate in her hand went hurtling across the tiny kitchen, smashing against the doorway to the den.  Shards of the creamy glass crashed to the floor and stuck into the carpet of the den.  

Heero's head popped up, his sudden movement making Duo drop his hand.  

"What is it, Heero?" Duo asked, his voice still quivering from his most recent bout of crying.  "What's wrong?"

"Hilde."  

She screamed incoherent words at the top of her lungs, relishing the way her bedroom absorbed the harsh sound of her own voice.  Her bedroom.  Not anymore, she thought, heading toward the closet.  They didn't own much, and she was finally thankful that she and Duo lived in simple comfort rather than extravagance.  Pulling a duffel from the top of the closet, Hilde began stuffing her belongings into the bag. 

Feeling someone watching, she turned to see Heero in the doorway.

"What do you want?" she growled at him not pausing in her hurried packing.

"I want you to stay."

His words caught her off guard.  In all the time that she'd lived with him, Heero had hardly spoken to her or Duo at all.  And now here he was, confessing to someone that the Perfect Soldier had feelings?  Unbelievable.

"Why did you say that?" she asked, her voice conveying the inner pain she felt.  She didn't want to leave, and she tried to hide that.

"It's true."

Hilde just stared at him, her eyes beginning to water with more tears.

"Duo wants you to stay, but he thinks it's too late now."  Heero stayed in the doorway as he spoke to her, unsure of what to do.

"Duo's right," Hilde finally admitted.  "Duo is definitely right.  Too much has happened for us to just kiss and make up, Heero.  Even you can't change that."

"He will be unhappy without you."

"And I will be unhappy without him."

"Then why go?"

Hilde sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, her knees suddenly feeling weak.  "Because it's best for both of us if I just go.  We need some space from each other, Heero.  Don't you understand that?  I hurt him when I stay because I want him to pay more attention to me than he does to you.  And I'll hurt him when I go, but then maybe the two of you can finally work through your demons, Heero, and we'll all be happier in the end."

Heero watched her get back up and put the rest of her belongings in the bag.  She zipped it up carefully and turned to face the person blocking her exit.  He couldn't stop her.  It wasn't his place to put her on a leash and keep her nearby for Duo's sake, as much as he wanted to.  He hesitated before moving out of her way, bringing his hand up.

She hadn't noticed Heero holding anything before, and the object in his hand surprised her.  Reaching up to take what he offered, she noticed that it was a framed photograph.

Duo gave her a hug as she left the yard.  She promised to return some day, to check and see how her two favorite scruffy boys were doing.  Tears stained both their cheeks, and before she got into the transport, Hilde pulled Duo into a deep kiss.  

He remained by the roadside, watching the transport that took Hilde to the shuttle port as it made a turn out of his view.  Duo didn't know where Hilde was going.  And he figured that she probably didn't know either.  Most likely, she would call Sally Po and join back up with the Preventors, but then again, who knew?  

Heero's presence was behind him, and Duo didn't even bother turning back around to face his friend.  A strong hand rested on his shoulder.  Hilde may have blamed Heero for all of this, but no matter how things turned out, Duo was glad to have Heero as a partner and friend.  Heero would always be by his side.

Hardly listening as the automatic voice told of the shuttle's arrival on L2, Hilde's attention was drawn entirely to the framed photograph in her hand.  She never knew that Heero kept such memorabilia.  She smiled at the thought of that big lug having this cute photo by his bedside.

She ran her fingers over the protective glass.  It was bright and sunny outside, on the photograph.  The shop was brand new in the background, with two proud owners and a girlfriend posing in front of it.  Duo had a bandage on his forehead from when the neon sign that said "Devil's Attic" slipped and fell on him earlier that day while he and Heero were trying to put it above the door.  He had an arm around Hilde, who stood between the two friends wearing short shorts and a bandana to hold back her hair.  She was partially in front of Heero, who still had the large bandages on his wrists, and she held his closest hand in hers.  

All of them were smiling.

__________

*sniff*  Its so sad and good at the same time.  I hope you like it as much as I do.  And before you ask, there isn't anything even remotely yaoi-related going on between Heero and Duo.  They're just best friends and supportive of each other (which obviously gets in the way of Duo's relationship with Hilde.)  

I just wanted to shed some more light on why Duo and Hilde broke up before "Jinx" started.


End file.
